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Okay, I confess. My butler just brought me a glass of pink champagne. And now I’m going to Nobu – the celebrity-ridden Japanese restaurant that I keep reading about. Because, like, everyone famous goes there and then has a fight or kisses their new girlfriend or makes out with someone who-is-not-their-wife and then the tabloids write about it.
The Nobu I’m going to is in the Casino of Atlantis in the Bahamas so I’m heading there (to Nobu – I’m already in the Bahamas, obviously) to hang out with the ridiculously rich. Or, more likely, the people like me who think they are going to hang out with the ridiculously rich.
Except, you know, Paradise Island in the Bahamas is chock full of mega mansions and high-end hotels – not to mention the ever hilarious water-themed resort of Atlantis – so you’re going to meet all kinds: plump, toned, bronzed, permed, pudgy and mega well-heeled.
I’m not really staying in this penthouse. Though at only $25,000 a night I could afford it, of course. Right now I’m only touring it. But the Jonas Brothers and Justin Bieber stayed here. Um, doesn’t anyone old enough to drink stay here?
I’m staying at the One&Only Ocean Club, which is almost as good. After all, who’s going to complain when a butler brings them champers and strawberries? And the bicycles are free!
I was just riding around here on my bike – and luckily I didn’t get caught up in a helicopter traffic jam. Home tomorrow – will there be a butler waiting to greet me? No. Sniff. Helicopters? Not a single helicopter? Sniff sniff. How about pink champagne? What, not even that? What kind of reality is that?
Read more: What is luxury travel?